I once met a man who had been separated for about 2 years. He and his ex-wife had no children and one day (according to him) she up and left him with no warning and no explanation. Two years later, when I asked why he thought she'd left, he said, "My best guess is that she had a psychotic break." I was dumbfounded. He hadn't taken the two years since his separation to figure out what might have been missing in his marriage, to examine what it was he hadn't seen. He'd simply decided that she had had a psychotic break.
Divorce is fertile ground for self-realization and growth, and while it may seem like you don't have it in you to deal with your personal growth simultaneous to dealing with the actual divorce, believe me when I tell you, now is the time.
Why? Two reasons:
- While ~50% of all first marriages end in divorce, 75% of second marriages do too.
- Not dealing with your own shit now is what puts your kids in the middle.
Don't get me wrong, you will have feelings about your divorce and separation. You are probably angry, hurt, devastated, full of shame, all sorts of things, and these feelings are normal—in fact, you should be having them (I'd be more worried if you weren't).
However, the real reason divorces get so ugly in this day and age is because people aren't dealing with these feelings in a productive way. They get sucked into the blame cycle and stay there far too long. When we don't take responsibility—even (and especially) for the hardest things—we will repeat patterns.
This is why 75% of second marriages fail.
But worse: when we continue to blame and deflect, we are more likely to put our kids in the middle and use them as pawns against the person we resent.
So take this opportunity. Look deeply into and at yourself and what you did to contribute to your divorce. Otherwise, you end up like Psychotic Break Guy
I know it's not easy. I had to swallow a pretty massive pill about how complicit I was in my own victimhood. It was really ugly, and really hard. And it was the most empowering thing I've ever done, and contributed to being able to move forward with grace and dignity—and put my son squarely at the center of every decision we made.
And at the end of the day, that's what's most important of all, and it's exactly what I want to help you do for your children.
To set up a free consult so I can help you through this, click here.