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Marriage can destroy you on some very deep levels, but divorce can heal you from the inside out.
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I’d always thought that if I was just a better communicator, if I was just smarter, skinnier, taller, prettier, funnier, took more responsibility, lowered my voice, raised my boobs, shrunk my hips, did more crafts, cooked better, had more interesting hobbies, then I’d be “enough.” Turns out, I’ve been enough all along, and the one person who didn’t know it was me.
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I’ve spent the last ten years on a path of deep recovery in which I’ve found my power, my voice, and myself. Today, I finally pick me.
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And because of this, my ex husband and I have been able to forge a friendship that holds our child at its center, and forgiveness as its foundation. While we don’t always agree on all things, and we’ve had some major mishaps along the way, we co-parent with respect and as a unified team.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo

What no one tells you when you sign on for tha “partnership agreement” or “joint venture” of becoming a stay-at-home-mom is that you end up deeply subjugating yourself. As a stay-at-home-mom, you relinquish almost everything in service of raising your children, while your husband’s path remains fairly unaltered.
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According to a recent study, women’s standard of living in divorce decreases by 27%, while men’s actually increases by 10%, and that includes working women. For stay-at-home-moms it’s far worse.
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It’s not just that you’re subjugating yourself financially to your breadwinner husband. Your friendships slip away. Your hobbies. Your body. Your hormones do a crazy dance for far longer than anyone likes to tell you; and all of this lasts far longer—and is far harder to put back together—than you ever think possible.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo / #sahm / #stayathomemomlife

I believe that our current process of making the greatest financial and legal decisions of our lives in the midst of the biggest emotional upheaval of our lives is seriously flawed, and that in order to have a healthy and collaborative divorce, couples need to process the emotional fallout of the split for a good 6 months to a year before beginning any mediation process whatsoever. Because it’s only from that clear-headed space that truly healthy decisions can possibly be made.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo / #mediation / #collaborativedivorce / #collaboration

Many of us think that when the passion dies, when the romance dies, when the sex dies, the marriage should also die. You may already know this is a myth, but you may not know how to find lasting happiness in your marriage without those things, or how to rebuild them with all that water under this rickety bridge.
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You may be hitting midlife at a time when your kids are becoming more independent. The holes in your life that motherhood distracted you from are gaping wider before you and you often dream of doing a shot of Wild Turkey, getting in your car and driving off into the sunset a la Thelma and Louise.
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You’re getting restless, realizing your marriage is no longer what you thought it was, and you’re really tired of bearing the mental load in your household or being subservient to a domineering husband who barely gives you the time of day, let alone love and attention.
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You desperately want change, but you can’t figure out if your dissatisfaction and restlessness is because of your marriage or if you’re just going through a phase that’ll pass in a few years…if you can just get through it.
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You’re terrified of screwing up your kids if you leave, but equally scared of fucking them up if you stay in a miserable marriage.
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There’s a huge stack of emotional boxes at your feet that need unpacking, and you want professional guidance from someone who’s been there to help you sort through the mess.
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Sound familiar? I can help.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo

#truestorytho #littleknownfact
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I was an actor for over 30 years. I started at the age of 3 on #sesamestreet, and spent about five years on that show until I was forced to retire at the ripe old age of 7.
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My career ended with about five years on #greysanatomy.
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Not too shabby for career bookends.
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I’m one of the lucky few who got to be exactly what she wanted to be when she grew up. And then I grew up some more, and had to make some choices.
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When I got divorced there was no way I could continue to be an actor. I couldn’t drag my 3½-year-old around on auditions, driving what can amount to 3 hours round-trip in rush-hour traffic to callbacks that are always on the other side of town at the worst time of day. (You’ve heard the stories about LA traffic. They’re all true.) Plus, it wasn’t exactly reliable income. Actors book about 1 out of every 100 auditions; the risk/benefit/traffic analysis didn’t add up.
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We all evolve into, out of, and through various stages of life. Sometimes I look back and miss those days (nostalgia can be a bitch, and man, did we have fun), but mostly I’m grateful for the journey I’ve been on. I’ve experienced a lot in this life so far, and I only hope to be able to continue to experience more, and more, and more.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo / #actor / #actorslife

Last night someone invited me to be present in my body (THIS body) in a way I haven't been in at least 7 years that I can recall.
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As soon as the invitation was issued, a terror and a dread rose up in me such that I immediately knew I had to accept the invitation and move through the feelings. This wasn't "this is wrong and bad" fear; this was "Oh fuck no not this, this is my deepest shit" fear.
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And so I accepted.
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I moved through the feelings—the judgement, the fear, beating myself up—and almost effortlessly into ownership and power.
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Because my body knows. My body remembers. My body still owns who and what I am, even if my mind so often forgets.
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The result is that today I feel freer, more present in myself—not just my body—than I have in ages. Sexier, lighter, and more grounded.
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And I also feel sad.
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Sad for abandoning parts of myself that have been begging to be seen. Sad for how women are made to believe they are not enough, not welcome in society, not welcome in the bedroom, if they aren't lean and toned and tanned and "perfect," and sad that I believed this lie for so long, and that when I deviated from the ideal, I made myself invisible, accordingly.
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But more than anything I feel grateful. I'm grateful to my friend who saw something in me in a moment and lay down a challenge that has had a profound impact, layers rippling out far beyond the initial intent. Grateful to my inner knowing for guiding me towards acceptance. And grateful for this body that remembers and knows that she is a strong, powerful, sexy woman who's still got it going on.
#moreplease
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo / #bodypositive / #bodyacceptance/ #ditchdiets / #dietculture / #fuckdiets / #selflove

Before deciding if you should stay or go, it’s worth examining all aspects of your marriage from the perspective of reasonable vs. unreasonable expectations. Are some of the issues based on primal need vs. societal evolution? Do some of them fall under the umbrella of the patriarchal structures we’re all embedded in and working so hard to smash? If you leave your spouse, will you undoubtedly repeat the patterns you’re in now whether because our culture (not the man) is to blame—or because it’s actually you?
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And how on earth do you know? I can help. Link in bio.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo / #fuckthepatriarchy / #smashthepatriarchy

#Repost @randi.buckley
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Your boundaries (healthy, strong, nourished, weak, non-existent, you name it) define the relationship.
What do you want the relationship to be? Therein is your guide to what the boundaries are needed.

#healthyboundariesforkindpeople #randibuckley #healthyboundaries #boundaries
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo

When I was in the depths of despair struggling to decide whether or not to leave my marriage, I wanted a burning bush; I wanted someone, or something, to tell me clearly, “It’s time to go,” or “Stay, and you’ll get through this.”
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I wanted a crystal ball to answer my questions:
* Was this a phase we’d get through and come out the other side? Would we end up side-by-side in our porch rocking chairs, or walking off into the sunset? Or would this hell just go on forever and ever? * And if I left, would I really be happier? Would the grass actually be greener on the other side?
* Would I ever find love again, or would I end up alone and miserable for the rest of my life?
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Because at the end of the day that’s what we want: to know if whatever struggle we’re going through is actually worth it. We want a guarantee that if we stick it out, it will have been for something, or, conversely, that if we leave, what awaits on the other side will be better than… this.
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There’s a distinct line in the sand, and we just want to know if we should cross it.
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I can help.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo

When you get divorced and you don’t have kids you can walk away and never interact with your ex ever again. When you get divorced and you have kids you are tethered to your ex for the rest of your life—no really, the rest of your fucking life—and your ex’s decisions will affect you in ways you never anticipate for years to come.
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While we may want to sever ties fully and immediately, the reality is that we will continue to be closely bound to our exes for all eternity. As such, how we do our divorce will impact our lives for decades to come.
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#divorce / #singlemom / #breakup / #lifecoach / #codependency / #recovery / #selfhelp / #forgiveness / #selfcare / #stayorgo / #shouldistayorshouldigo / #courage / #hope / #divorcesupport / #healing / #movingon / #divorcedmom / #divorcingmama / #singlemama / #healing / #growth / #parenting / #coparenting / #momsofinstagram / #stayorgo

Portrait of a Monday Night. Thanks @lisastevensgilford for the fancy booze!

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