Putting your kids at the center - not in the middle - of your divorce
Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada
When I first got divorced I sought out a mediator who asked us an important question that set the tone for our entire divorce and mediation proceedings:
Do you want to put your son at the center, or in the middle, of your divorce?
This episode tells the story of how I almost got caught up in ugly litigation, and how I gave up my house in service of my son.
Co-Parenting is Really Fucking Hard
Mickie Zada is a change-agent, a content creator and an advocate for women who have escaped domestic abuse. Her passion is to inspire and empower survivors in their transition to safe, healthy lives.
Mickie speaks openly and honestly about living in domestic abuse for 34 years (she says she stayed waaay tooo long at the dance!), the reality of her mind-set during that time (most of the time she was married, she didn't recognize that she was an abused spouse) and her belief that we create our reality. She says that there are as many excuses for remaining in abuse as there are women who stay. She chose to believe it was her Calling to help her ex-husband stay between the lines. Now she recognizes that she was not responsible for his life, the only person she could change was herself. She always had the option to leave; she chose to stay.
How I Married and Divorced the Same Man TWICE
I often talk about my co-parenting relationship with my ex, and how hard we've worked to make it good.
But that's not the whole story, and it's not always possible for everyone.
Reading an article in Time Magazine by Jessica Henriquez called Raising My Son With My Ex-Husband is the Hardest Thing I've Done made me want to come clean about a few things...
Are You Staying in Your Marriage For Your Kids?
In this episode, my friend and colleague Sandi Herrera joined me to talk about how she married and divorced the same man twice, everything she learned in the process, and how understanding and honoring her core values has helped her evolve as a woman, mother, and business-owner.
THE TRUTH OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM—IF YOU GET DIVORCED
One of the most common reasons people stay together is for their children. Depending on your unique situation, this might be the best reason to stay together, or the worst.
We're told over and over again that we have to stay for our kids; that children from "broken homes" (I hate that term) do less well in school, are damaged, and grow up to have poor coping and relationship skills. So we try. And we try harder. We bend ourselves into pretzels trying to make this square peg fit in this round hole come hell or high water, because if we don't, our children will suffer, and we will have failed.
I call bullshit.
Should you tell if you cheated?
When I became pregnant, I had just lost my job managing a successful fitness studio that was being financially mismanaged. I was also an actor, and while I still had to have a day-job (as most of us do), I’d been doing pretty well in theatre and television most of my life.
But pregnant, I wasn’t exactly taking Hollywood by storm.
I received an email not too long ago from a reader who asked:
I cheated on my husband. It wasn't a one-time thing, but it's over now. I'm wracked with guilt, but I also know that if I tell my husband, it will destroy him. But I also feel like I should be honest and like I'm keeping a terrible secret, even though I actually feel closer to him now than ever. What should I do?
This is certainly a complicated issue many of us have faced. There's a spark of attraction with someone new. Things haven't been quite "right" in your marriage for a long time, and you get swept away in a moment. Or two, or three... Now you're left with the question: should you tell your husband?
Here's my take on this, shared by the always awesome Dan Savage, and I'll warn you, it's a bit controversial, and not a perspective shared by everyone: