How to tell your spouse you want a divorce
You are allowed to leave
This episode is about holding strong boundaries when telling your spouse that you want a divorce.
I lay out how I work with clients to prepare for this really difficult conversation, how not to allow your spouse to hijack and control the narrative, and how to not take responsibility for things you know aren’t yours, even when your ex insists they are.
In the intro, I talk about Mother's Day. How they've been in the past, and how it was this year.
Hint: I spent it with my ex and his wife... and it was truly LOVELY.
How to talk to your kids about an absent father
This episode is all about permission. It’s about how women seem to evolve in middle-age and how we seem to be outgrowing our marriages at alarming rates, and how to know if that’s ok or not.
In the last few weeks as I’ve been speaking with clients there’s a recurring theme that keeps coming up. I keep hearing women say that their husband is a really nice guy, he’s a great dad, a great provider, they list their husband’s great qualities and then berate themselves for their own misery and usually end up in a wail of “why can’t i just be happy?”
And often it's because they've changed over the course of time.
Dating After Divorce: Shifting of Primary
....and the difference between single and divorced moms, and why I'll NEVER call myself a single mom ever again.
Someone submitted this anonymous question to my website:
My son often asks for his daddy. I don't know what to say to him. It breaks my heart because I've done everything I can to bridge the gap and encourage his father to be a part of his life. But he's totally absent. Only visits maybe 20hrs a month sometimes less. Can you give me any advice on what to say to my son about where his father is? Why he isn't here etc?
These kinds of questions break my heart. According to Psychology today, "...24 million children live in biological father-absent homes— in the United States alone. And 1 in 3 children grow up without a father." What this means first and foremost is that you are not alone.
Putting your kids at the center - not in the middle - of your divorce
In this episode I look at dating after divorce, and how hard it can sometimes be to be the new person coming in when the exes are "besties."
The new person can often wonder where they fit in, and if the ex is always their go-to, their first call, they can feel left out and as if they don't have a place in their new relationship.
I look at this from the angles of all three parties, and give a prescriptive for how best to make this often difficult shift work.
Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada
When I first got divorced I sought out a mediator who asked us an important question that set the tone for our entire divorce and mediation proceedings:
Do you want to put your son at the center, or in the middle, of your divorce?
This episode tells the story of how I almost got caught up in ugly litigation, and how I gave up my house in service of my son.
Co-Parenting is Really Fucking Hard
Mickie Zada is a change-agent, a content creator and an advocate for women who have escaped domestic abuse. Her passion is to inspire and empower survivors in their transition to safe, healthy lives.
Mickie speaks openly and honestly about living in domestic abuse for 34 years (she says she stayed waaay tooo long at the dance!), the reality of her mind-set during that time (most of the time she was married, she didn't recognize that she was an abused spouse) and her belief that we create our reality. She says that there are as many excuses for remaining in abuse as there are women who stay. She chose to believe it was her Calling to help her ex-husband stay between the lines. Now she recognizes that she was not responsible for his life, the only person she could change was herself. She always had the option to leave; she chose to stay.
How I Married and Divorced the Same Man TWICE
I often talk about my co-parenting relationship with my ex, and how hard we've worked to make it good.
But that's not the whole story, and it's not always possible for everyone.
Reading an article in Time Magazine by Jessica Henriquez called Raising My Son With My Ex-Husband is the Hardest Thing I've Done made me want to come clean about a few things...
Are You Staying in Your Marriage For Your Kids?
In this episode, my friend and colleague Sandi Herrera joined me to talk about how she married and divorced the same man twice, everything she learned in the process, and how understanding and honoring her core values has helped her evolve as a woman, mother, and business-owner.
THE TRUTH OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM—IF YOU GET DIVORCED
One of the most common reasons people stay together is for their children. Depending on your unique situation, this might be the best reason to stay together, or the worst.
We're told over and over again that we have to stay for our kids; that children from "broken homes" (I hate that term) do less well in school, are damaged, and grow up to have poor coping and relationship skills. So we try. And we try harder. We bend ourselves into pretzels trying to make this square peg fit in this round hole come hell or high water, because if we don't, our children will suffer, and we will have failed.
I call bullshit.
Should you tell if you cheated?
When I became pregnant, I had just lost my job managing a successful fitness studio that was being financially mismanaged. I was also an actor, and while I still had to have a day-job (as most of us do), I’d been doing pretty well in theatre and television most of my life.
But pregnant, I wasn’t exactly taking Hollywood by storm.
I received an email not too long ago from a reader who asked:
I cheated on my husband. It wasn't a one-time thing, but it's over now. I'm wracked with guilt, but I also know that if I tell my husband, it will destroy him. But I also feel like I should be honest and like I'm keeping a terrible secret, even though I actually feel closer to him now than ever. What should I do?
This is certainly a complicated issue many of us have faced. There's a spark of attraction with someone new. Things haven't been quite "right" in your marriage for a long time, and you get swept away in a moment. Or two, or three... Now you're left with the question: should you tell your husband?
Here's my take on this, shared by the always awesome Dan Savage, and I'll warn you, it's a bit controversial, and not a perspective shared by everyone: