Uncovering Emotional Abuse with Rhian Lockard
Patriarchy Stress Disorder with Dr. Valerie Baker
I’m currently enrolled in a course called Divine Communication, which is a program that Rhian Lockard created. It’s a course that helps you get in touch with your spirit guide and your intuition.
I knew I had to share Rhian with you. She’s a friend and a guide. Today, we have a conversation about emotional abuse. It’s not talked about as much as other forms of abuse, and it’s even a little harder to determine whether you are a victim of emotional abuse.
After listening to this conversation, I hope you will have some clarity about emotional abuse and what to do about it.
The Legal Pitfalls of Divorce
About a month ago someone in a Facebook group I’m in mentioned that there was a three-podcast series by another member of our group that had completely shifted everything in her life.
That’s a really bold statement, so at first I rolled my eyes and started to scroll on by. But then I saw the title of the series: Patriarchy Stress Disorder. And I’ll tell you the minute I read those words, everything changed for me too. I didn’t know what they meant, but I knew exactly what they meant.
In this episode I interview psychologist, author, and speaker, Dr. Valerie Baker who pioneers healing Patriarchy Stress Disorder™ (PSD)--the trauma of 1000s of years of oppression imprinted in women's DNA.
The Top Reasons Marriages End...and what they mean for you
This week I bring on a Divorce Coach who specializes in the legal aspects of divorce.
Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney turned divorce coach who helps people navigate the divorce process from an attorney's point of view. He works with both people who have attorneys and those who don't. He is the creator of the most comprehensive online divorce coaching resource on the internet, DivorceU.
The Power of Personal Responsibility
In this episode, I discuss the top reasons marriage end, and break down what I believe are deal-breakers in each category:
I also tell you about my wine-tasting vacation with my mom, and how my ex-husband helped me get a brand new $3,000 mattress FOR FREE!!!
Should I Stay or Should I Go? with Quentin Hafner
In this solo episode, I talk about coming out of a pretty dark depression, and then move on to how taking personal responsibility can be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.
I tell the story of when I was in nursery school and was told to apologize and literally couldn't, do a pretty amazing impression of my mom, and tell a really personal story about what having been molested as a child taught me about personal responsibility and growth.
Let's Talk About Sex, Baby! with licensed sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman
My guest this week is Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA.
In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all:
Should I Stay or Should I Go
In the course of this conversation we cover:
Quentin's 6 non-negotiables in a relationship and what they should really mean for you.
Quentin's view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages—and if they're actually good enough reasons to leave.
My view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages and—if they're actually good enough reason to leave.
Why the fact that 68% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail really matters to the choice ahead of you right now.
Why 69% of marriages are ended by women, and what men can do to not be a casualty of that.
And MUCH more!!
The Blended Extended Upended Family with Deb Cooperman
This week on the podcast, I interview Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor.
We had a great chat about whether or not an unfulfilling sex life is reason enough to end a marriage, and how to jumpstart it without it being too fucking awkward.
We also talk about mis-matched libidos, the sexual avoidance cycle, porn and so much more! Needless to say, it’s a juicy one!
Guest Episode: Lyena Strelkoff
I brought my friend Deb Cooperman on to talk about what she calls her blended, extended upended family.
When Deb met her ex husband, he had a one-year-old son, and in this episode she talks about the experience of co-parenting as a step-mom, and how her relationship with her ex, her step-son and his mom evolved over the course of their marriage, through their divorce, and beyond...
Deb's story is one of what's possible when three or more people really do some hard work on themselves in order to get through the harder feelings and into acceptance, and even love.
How to tell your spouse you want a divorce
In this episode, I interview Lyena Strelkoff. Lyena is a transformation coach, storyteller, and speaker passionately dedicated to advancing the way humans respond to change, challenge, and adversity.
A lifelong dancer paralyzed in a hiking accident, Lyena’s entire life was elevated, not in spite of paralysis but because of it.
Lyena is the creator of The Shero’s Way™, a modern, feminized approach to adversity that turns challenges into catalysts that catapult us upward.
Lyena isn’t divorced, although she does tell us the story of how her parents’ divorce affected her. But I want you to listen to her story from the perspective of transformation. Listen for how Lyena transforms what could have been — should have been — the worst experience almost anyone can imagine into something full of grace and opportunity. And listen till the end where we discuss how this does NOT mean not acknowledging pain and suffering, but rather embracing all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
You are allowed to leave
This episode is about holding strong boundaries when telling your spouse that you want a divorce.
I lay out how I work with clients to prepare for this really difficult conversation, how not to allow your spouse to hijack and control the narrative, and how to not take responsibility for things you know aren’t yours, even when your ex insists they are.
In the intro, I talk about Mother's Day. How they've been in the past, and how it was this year.
Hint: I spent it with my ex and his wife... and it was truly LOVELY.
How to talk to your kids about an absent father
This episode is all about permission. It’s about how women seem to evolve in middle-age and how we seem to be outgrowing our marriages at alarming rates, and how to know if that’s ok or not.
In the last few weeks as I’ve been speaking with clients there’s a recurring theme that keeps coming up. I keep hearing women say that their husband is a really nice guy, he’s a great dad, a great provider, they list their husband’s great qualities and then berate themselves for their own misery and usually end up in a wail of “why can’t i just be happy?”
And often it's because they've changed over the course of time.
Dating After Divorce: Shifting of Primary
....and the difference between single and divorced moms, and why I'll NEVER call myself a single mom ever again.
Someone submitted this anonymous question to my website:
My son often asks for his daddy. I don't know what to say to him. It breaks my heart because I've done everything I can to bridge the gap and encourage his father to be a part of his life. But he's totally absent. Only visits maybe 20hrs a month sometimes less. Can you give me any advice on what to say to my son about where his father is? Why he isn't here etc?
These kinds of questions break my heart. According to Psychology today, "...24 million children live in biological father-absent homes— in the United States alone. And 1 in 3 children grow up without a father." What this means first and foremost is that you are not alone.
Putting your kids at the center - not in the middle - of your divorce
In this episode I look at dating after divorce, and how hard it can sometimes be to be the new person coming in when the exes are "besties."
The new person can often wonder where they fit in, and if the ex is always their go-to, their first call, they can feel left out and as if they don't have a place in their new relationship.
I look at this from the angles of all three parties, and give a prescriptive for how best to make this often difficult shift work.
Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada
When I first got divorced I sought out a mediator who asked us an important question that set the tone for our entire divorce and mediation proceedings:
Do you want to put your son at the center, or in the middle, of your divorce?
This episode tells the story of how I almost got caught up in ugly litigation, and how I gave up my house in service of my son.
Co-Parenting is Really Fucking Hard
Mickie Zada is a change-agent, a content creator and an advocate for women who have escaped domestic abuse. Her passion is to inspire and empower survivors in their transition to safe, healthy lives.
Mickie speaks openly and honestly about living in domestic abuse for 34 years (she says she stayed waaay tooo long at the dance!), the reality of her mind-set during that time (most of the time she was married, she didn't recognize that she was an abused spouse) and her belief that we create our reality. She says that there are as many excuses for remaining in abuse as there are women who stay. She chose to believe it was her Calling to help her ex-husband stay between the lines. Now she recognizes that she was not responsible for his life, the only person she could change was herself. She always had the option to leave; she chose to stay.
How I Married and Divorced the Same Man TWICE
I often talk about my co-parenting relationship with my ex, and how hard we've worked to make it good.
But that's not the whole story, and it's not always possible for everyone.
Reading an article in Time Magazine by Jessica Henriquez called Raising My Son With My Ex-Husband is the Hardest Thing I've Done made me want to come clean about a few things...
Are You Staying in Your Marriage For Your Kids?
In this episode, my friend and colleague Sandi Herrera joined me to talk about how she married and divorced the same man twice, everything she learned in the process, and how understanding and honoring her core values has helped her evolve as a woman, mother, and business-owner.
THE TRUTH OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM—IF YOU GET DIVORCED
One of the most common reasons people stay together is for their children. Depending on your unique situation, this might be the best reason to stay together, or the worst.
We're told over and over again that we have to stay for our kids; that children from "broken homes" (I hate that term) do less well in school, are damaged, and grow up to have poor coping and relationship skills. So we try. And we try harder. We bend ourselves into pretzels trying to make this square peg fit in this round hole come hell or high water, because if we don't, our children will suffer, and we will have failed.
I call bullshit.
Should you tell if you cheated?
When I became pregnant, I had just lost my job managing a successful fitness studio that was being financially mismanaged. I was also an actor, and while I still had to have a day-job (as most of us do), I’d been doing pretty well in theatre and television most of my life.
But pregnant, I wasn’t exactly taking Hollywood by storm.
I received an email not too long ago from a reader who asked:
I cheated on my husband. It wasn't a one-time thing, but it's over now. I'm wracked with guilt, but I also know that if I tell my husband, it will destroy him. But I also feel like I should be honest and like I'm keeping a terrible secret, even though I actually feel closer to him now than ever. What should I do?
This is certainly a complicated issue many of us have faced. There's a spark of attraction with someone new. Things haven't been quite "right" in your marriage for a long time, and you get swept away in a moment. Or two, or three... Now you're left with the question: should you tell your husband?
Here's my take on this, shared by the always awesome Dan Savage, and I'll warn you, it's a bit controversial, and not a perspective shared by everyone: