Understanding Attachment Styles with Silvy Khoucasian

This week’s guest is Silvy Khoucasian. She is a Marriage and Family therapist who specializes in attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries. I invited her onto my podcast with the hope of having a rich conversation about attachment styles. Oh and we absolutely did have a rich and amazing conversation! If you are thinking, “Alright, Kate, what’s up with attachment styles and why are they important?” Well, our attachment styles are deeply rooted and can have a dramatic impact on the way we relate to someone as an adult. Yes, it always goes back to relationships, doesn’t it?  

Speaking of relationships… do you find yourself feeling triggered by your partner? Do you then project past hurts onto them (or maybe it’s the other way around)? If so, learning your attachment style and that of your partner can help you understand why you both react in certain ways (and what you can do about it). Silvy also takes us through the three different attachment styles and explains why they matter. Plus, we talk about why owning our needs is so important, including creating healthy boundaries, and what role family culture plays in attachment styles.  Attachment styles can make or break a relationship without awareness of them. So let’s become aware.

Show Highlights

  • The main framework for attachment styles and the three primary styles (06:25)

  • How attachment styles manifest later in life, what they have to do with our current relationships and why attachment styles even matter (8:18)

  • Why we tend to choose partners that trigger us and what we can do about it (13:34)

  • Making sense of our story, allowing ourselves to grieve pain, neglect, and abandonment we experienced as a child (14:12)

  • How to you figure out your attachment style (16:19)

  • The importance of getting curious about your partner’s attachment style and validating him/her for their attachment style (21:34)

  • Why owning what we need is so important (23:53)

  • Understanding attachment styles help us create healthy relationships, plus having empathy for their opposite style (30:40)

  • Modeling vulnerability opens up more influence with your partner (33:36)

  • The importance of having your partner show up in the work with you (38:10)

  • Starting the conversation about boundaries (38:39)

  • How family culture influences our attachment styles (49:52)

  • What avoidant or anxious attachers struggle with the most (57:07)


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Learn More About Silvy:

Silvy has a long-running love affair with helping struggling couples create genuine connection.  

She has a Master’s Degree in Psychology (Marriage & Family Therapy) and a bachelors in Sociology.  

Growing up in the USA as a young immigrant from the Middle East, Silvy has always been fascinated by the critical role family cultures play in intimate relationships.  

She specializes in her work with attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries.

Silvy also has a background in theatrical arts, which allows her to use art & drama therapy in helping clients reclaim lost or suppressed parts of themselves.

Links:

Silvy’s website
Follow Silvy on Instagram for some free, daily relationship advice.
Grab her Practical Communication Program, here.
Attachment Style Test recommended by Silvy

Kate Anthony